50 Things You Should Know About D&D

 Posted by on June 30, 2011  Filed as: Editorial  Add comments
Jun 302011
 

By: Kelbek Avarice

Rule #1: The Game Master Is God.
What the Game Master says, goes!  Period.

Rule #2: Never Split The Party!
The monsters have divine intuition, and know when the party is weakened.

Rule #3: The Dice Choose You.
They have a mind of their own…

Rule #4: The Bartender Knows Everything.
He is the prophet of the world, and has the knowledge of the universe.

Rule #5: Copper Is The Enemy.
One hundred copper equals one gold.  You do the math.

Rule #6: Go With The Flow.
Unless the flow leads to a giant waterfall.

Rule #7: You Can Never Have Too Many Minions.
One hundred enemies? All I see is free experience!

Rule #8: Take Chances.
Just not reckless ones.

Rule #9: Don’t Act Reckless.
But take chances.

Rule #10: If the GM Forgets Something, Let Him/her Know.
You might get extra experience!

Rule #11: Don’t Expect The Unexpected, Become The Unexpected.
Make the GM improvise for your amusement.

Rule #12: Escape From Reality.
And enter a better one.

Rule #13: Train In Heal.
It’ll save your life.

Rule #14: There Are No Such Things As Friends, Only Allies.
It makes it easier to kill them.

Rule #15: Be Creative!
It’s half the game.

Rule #16: Don’t Trust The Sexy Lady Sitting At The Bar Alone.
There’s an extremely high chance that she’ll end up killing you.

Rule #17: The d20 Can Either Be Your Best Friend, Or Your Worst Enemy.
So treat them with kindness.

Rule #18: Leave Your Personal Problems Out Of The Game.
Nobody cares that you had a fight with your girlfriend. Be happy you have one.

Rule #19: Stay In Character.
It’s a lot easier and more fun for everyone.

Rule #20: Don’t Blindly Jump Into Dark Pits.
Especially without rope.

Rule #21: If The Reward Is Outrageously High, You Won’t Be Getting It.
Because you’re really going to get 2,000 gold for investigating a “rat infestation”.

Rule #22: Try Out Various Characters.
Just not bullywugs.

Rule #23: If You Aren’t Sure About Something, Ask The GM.
After all, the GM is God.

Rule #24: Try Your Best Not To Burn Down A Town.
Especially one full of little hobbits.

Rule #25: You Can’t Carry A Great Axe, Two Long Swords, And A Flail On Your Back.
They only thing you’ll accomplish is a broken back.

Rule #26: When Entering A Town, Go Immediately To The Alchemist Shop.
If you’re lucky enough to find one.

Horses MinisRule #27: Everything Happens At The bar.
Rumor is that it has to do with the bartender.

Rule #28: You Can Never Have Too Much Gold.
But platinum is better.

Rule #29: Save Your Dailies.
Better safe then sorry.

Rule #30: The Final Boss Isn’t Always The Final Boss.
So save your dailies.

Rule #31: You Never Need To Go To The Bathroom.
Convenient, isn’t it?

Rule #32: If You Don’t Know What A Beholder Is, You’re Lucky.
And if you do know, then I sincerely apologize.

Rule #33: Check For Traps.
They can be in doors, chests, walls, almost anywhere.

Rule #34: Bring A Random Item.
You never know when you’ll need to kick out the ol’ dowsing rod.

Rule #35: Don’t Bang Pots And Pans Together To Attract Enemies.
Unless you’re into that sort of thing.

Rule #36: Don’t Trust Random NPC’s.
You shouldn’t even consider them allies.

Rule #37: You Can Never Have Too Many Magic Items.
Is there something wrong with having boots of speed, gauntlets of strength, a ring of teleportation, and a necklace of invisibility?  I didn’t think so.

Rule #38: Contrary To The Name, You Aren’t Always In Dungeons, And You Don’t Always Fight Dragons.
Mind blowing, isn’t it?

Rule #39: Stay Away From Graveyards.
You’ll thank me later… if you still have a brain.

Rule #40: Learn To Improvise!
If needed, take classes.

Rule #41: You Always Wear The Same Clothes.
And never shower…

Rule #42: Play Smart.
Just don’t be smarter than the GM.

Rule #43: Stay Away From Giant Talking Skulls.
They cause nothing but trouble!

Rule #44: Always Carry A Thievery Kit.
You’d be surprised at how many things are locked nowadays.

Rule #45: Explore Every Corner Of The Dungeon.
You just might find something worthwhile.

Rule #46: Don’t Underestimate Fire.
So be sure to carry plenty of H2O.

Rule #47: Know Your Character Types.
I.e.: Controller, Striker, Leader, Defender.

Rule #48: Don’t Have Your Character Wear Big Hoop Earrings.
This isn’t a beauty contest.

Rule #49: There’s No Difference Between Diplomacy And Intimidation As Long As It Gets The Job Done.
But an axe to the head leaves a better impression.

Rule #50: Make Your Mark In History!
Let the world know your name!

More awesomeness...

Kelbeck Avarice

  9 Responses to “50 Things You Should Know About D&D”

  1. What I like is that at times I found myself laughing cause sometimes it’s funny, nodding my head cause sometimes it’s correct, and remembering that everyone gets different things out of the game.

  2. There’s a lot of truth and humor here … 😀

    Thanks for sharing!

  3. Addendums and Caveats

    Rule #1: The Game Master is God.
    Unless your GM is an idiot, and isn’t making sense. If their rationale is logical and they are delivering a good story/game that is fine, however if they aren’t then all the players should collectively tell the GM that they suck and someone else should be running the game.

    Rule #2: Never Split the Party!
    Unless your GM can handle the concerns of running multiple stories and juggling multiple players at the same time. Of course, if the GM takes the opportunity to kill off characters in some passive aggressive manner, see Caveat #1.

    Rule #3: The Dice Choose You.
    No argument there.

    Rule #4: The Bartender Knows Everything.
    Bartenders, Brothel-house Madames, General Store/Trading Post Merchants… anyone who supplies a service to the players beyond being a font of information, such as source of supplies and have no agenda other than neutral source for the players to tap will their continued existence be assured. Otherwise their life is forfeit.

    Rule #5: Copper Is The Enemy.
    Until your dwarves/gnomes/wizards/whatever discover out how to utilize electricity and figure out that copper is the most cost-effective way to conduct said power.

    Rule #6: Go With The Flow.
    Or the GM proves himself to be an idiot, see Caveat #1. Another player proves themselves to be disruptive (being an idiotic player is acceptable, as long as they aren’t being disruptive).

    Rule #7: You Can Never Have Too Many Minions.
    Until the GM figures out that you can successfully juggle 10-20 minions at a time, and rules to take them out of the game and comes up with the excuse that it’s slowing down the game (the GM doesn’t want to handle dealing with 60-120 enemy NPC minions as well).

    Rule #8: Take Chances.
    Or you can sit back, act dumb and wait for the GM to spoon-feed you more clues until they just get frustrated and dumb-down the encounter to a suitable level.

    Rule #9: Don’t Act Reckless.
    Unless you’re playing that character is reckless. Typically, that’s the guy who plays the rogue (ie Thief) regardless of what game/genre you’re playing in. Or the guy who in real life is a rogue, and he’s just playing the reckless mage for a change of pace.

    Rule #10: If the GM Forgets Something, Let Him/her Know.
    Unless whatever you’re reminding him can be used against your character/party. Of course this goes against the unwritten rule of RPGs, “Don’t Give the GM ANY Ideas.” — Especially if your GM is vindictive, petty, and will twist everything against you and your fellow players.

    Rule #11: Don’t Expect The Unexpected, Become The Unexpected.
    Unless your GM is incapable of improvisation (that’s why they’re running the game and not playing in it). Or you’re trying to get on the good side of NPCs in authority, trying to maintain the status-quo, et cetera.

    Rule #12: Escape From Reality.
    Unless that reality is one that you have no interest in. No one wants to deal with the psychological ramifications of being sexually molested by hobgoblins and bugbears.

    Rule #13: Train In Heal.
    Healing is underrated. Usually you can bully most submissive player, or the newest player into playing the cleric or the equivalent thereof. Unless your GM is a pushover and will just NPC the healer, or your characters can just pop-off to the nearest Heal-Spells-R-Us.

    Rule #14: There Are No Such Things As Friends, Only Allies.
    Unless it’s been specifically spelt out by the GM and the players that there will be NO PC-vs-PC conflict, or any sort in-game betrayals. However if allowed, the betrayer must commit to 2-or-3 game sessions after the betrayal so that they can get their just desserts, see Caveat #12.

    Rule #15: Be Creative!
    Unless it’s in your best interests not to be. — ‘No, really. I cannot think of any way in which to improve upon the capabilities of your spies your Majesty.’

    Rule #16: Don’t Trust The Sexy Lady Sitting At The Bar Alone.
    Unless you’re the player who sits around waiting for something to happen in the game. Typically this involves ignoring the roleplaying, the combat, the character interactions, and only getting involved when something important or interesting occurs, such as when you’ve collected the treasure and it’s now time to spend it all in the brothels and taverns.

    Rule #17: The d20 Can Either Be Your Best Friend, Or Your Worst Enemy.
    Unless you’re playing a game when you sometimes have to roll high, and sometimes have to roll low with that d20. But frankly, you have no control over it, see Caveat #3.

    Rule #18: Leave Your Personal Problems Out Of The Game.
    Unless you’re playing with friends and you need to vent. You just have to tell someone about you’re problems and they are here to listen and understand and be there for you. Of course, working out the problem in-game in a similar situation only helps to allow your sub-conscious to mull over the problem and give you more perspective on the matter.

    Rule #19: Stay In Character.
    Until you come into a situation where you’re no longer being in-character, you cannot relate to the situation, or you need some sort of out-of-character clarification as to what’s going on. Or you need to call ‘bartender’ because someone else is at the fridge.

    Rule #20: Don’t Blindly Jump Into Dark Pits.
    Unless you’re playing that reckless character, you have a ring of Featherfall, and you have an adequate light source.

    Rule #21: If The Reward Is Outrageously High, You Won’t Be Getting It.
    Unless your GM is the kinda guy who’s going to Monty Hall your characters into being Medieval Millionaires, or you just don’t have the wealth/power to be able to handle the sorts of plots that the GM really wants to throw at you.

    Rule #22: Try Out Various Characters.
    Unless you’re that guy who has to play the rogue regardless of the game/genre that you’re playing. Because everyone, especially you, know you haven’t perfected the subtle nuisances of that character yet.

    Rule #23: If You Aren’t Sure About Something, Ask The GM.
    Unless asking the GM is going to give them an idea to use against you later. See Caveat #10.

    Rule #24: Try Your Best Not To Burn Down A Town.
    Unless you don’t own the town, you’re not in charge of it, not if you’re suppose to protect it, or it’s full of monsters you hate, such as full of little hobbits.

    Rule #25: You Can’t Carry A Great Axe, Two Long Swords, And A Flail On Your Back.
    Unless your GM is the type to use Critical Fumbles that break weapons, throw skeletons and other monsters that can only be hurt by blunt/special weapons like a flail, or you happen to play something historically accurate like a knight who would have a plethora of weapons.

    Rule #26: When Entering A Town, Go Immediately To The Alchemist Shop.
    Unless your GM is the type to try and push roleplaying situations on you while you’re trying to shop, sell you mislabeled poisons instead of healing potions, or generally facilitate the wasting of your hard-earned treasure.

    Rule #27: Everything Happens At The Bar.
    Right up until the bartender doesn’t know anything. See Caveat #4.

    Rule #28: You Can Never Have Too Much Gold.
    Until your GM sees you hording and then decides to steal it all, destroy it all, or tax you.

    Rule #29: Save Your Dailies.
    Unless your GM is the type that isn’t going to throw an extra encounter at you just because you’ve blown all your abilities and dailies, and they hold grudges because you took out his big bad solo-monster in three rounds.

    Rule #30: The Final Boss Isn’t Always The Final Boss.
    Unless they really were the final boss and you blew all your dailies in taking them out in three rounds, and now the GM holds a grudge, see Caveat #29.

    Rule #31: You Never Need To Go To The Bathroom.
    Unless there is something nasty or the plot waiting for you in the outhouse.

    Rule #32: If You Don’t Know What A Beholder Is, You’re Lucky.
    Unless you’ve never had to deal with a Beholder in all the decades of playing the game, and you’re feeling left out.

    Rule #33: Check For Traps.
    Unless you’re going to play the reverse psychology game where you don’t check for traps because the GM never uses them until you get into the rule with all the treasure. That’s when you start checking.

    Rule #34: Bring A Random Item.
    Unless you’ve got a bag of holding. Then you bring everything. Chalk, charcoal, ink, string, stakes, pitons, tools, block & tackle, pullies, rope, knotted rope, grappling hook, torches, lanterns, a bag of flour, a bag of fist-sized rocks, a bag of stones, a bag of pebbles, a bag of sand, and a 10-foot pole.

    Rule #35: Don’t Bang Pots And Pans Together To Attract Enemies.
    Unless you’re trying to attract the enemies and lure them into a trap.

    Rule #36: Don’t Trust Random NPC’s.
    Unless you’ve done the standard of sensing their alignment, mind-reading them, and just to be on the safe side, dominating them.

    Rule #37: You Can Never Have Too Many Magic Items.
    Unless your GM is the type to take away your toys because you’re blowing through the encounters too quickly and easily.

    Rule #38: Contrary To The Name, You Aren’t Always In Dungeons, And You Don’t Always Fight Dragons.
    Right up to the climax of the game, where it turns out the big-bad is in fact a dragon at the bottom of a 20-level dungeon.

    Rule #39: Stay Away From Graveyards.
    Unless that’s where the plot, treasure, or monster is.

    Rule #40: Learn To Improvise!
    Agreed. Take your GM along to those classes as well.

    Rule #41: You Always Wear The Same Clothes.
    Well, that just keeps the game realistic, because neither did the people in the dark ages.

    Rule #42: Play Smart.
    Unless your GM is the type who will appreciate it when you out-wit him. If your GM is any good at running the game, they will appreciate and reveal in these rare moments.

    Rule #43: Stay Away From Giant Talking Skulls.
    Unless they are going to be the ones who are going to give you that clue to continue on with the plot. But then, why would you put in a giant talking skull if they weren’t going to drive the plot forward?

    Rule #44: Always Carry A Thievery Kit.
    Unless you’re the cleric, or anyone else who’s going to be harassed and imprisoned on the suspicion of being a thief.

    Rule #45: Explore Every Corner Of The Dungeon.
    Unless you’re in the middle of a time crunch, and you’ve just found the McGuffin, and you have to take it back to wherever to stop whatever from doing that nasty thing you don’t want them to do.

    Rule #46: Don’t Underestimate Fire.
    Well, if you didn’t already realize this in the real world, then you didn’t play with matches enough when you were a child.

    Rule #47: Know Your Character Types.
    Unless you’re playing other roleplaying games, other versions of the games, or you’re just playing with people who don’t like how the game has been intellectually dissected by MMoRPG players who’ve come up with the terms like Controller, Striker, Leader, Defender, Tank, Kiting, Soloing, and whatever else.

    Rule #48: Don’t Have Your Character Wear Big Hoop Earrings.
    Unless you’re playing a pirate.

    Rule #49: There’s No Difference Between Diplomacy And Intimidation As Long As It Gets The Job Done.
    Unless you want something from the NPC later, in which case now that they have their friends with them, intimidation isn’t going to work, unless we’re talking about intimidation going the reverse way now.

    Rule #50: Make Your Mark In History!
    Unless you know that making a name means putting a target on your back, and you’d prefer to run the world by pulling the strings behind the curtain.

    • You’re kinda a douche-bag for raining down on this post like you did.

    • Not quite… I would say down to Earth, but still interesting…

      Até mais ver
      mr.poneis

    • wow.. you’re kinda a douche bag from the look of it.. and you didn’t really do anything constructive for this so I’m gonna guess a troll.. so here i am to feed the trollsssss = o

  4. Bullywug characters rule! They are solo killers. . .

  5. Rule #45A: Know when to say when

    Sometimes its better to leave parts of the dungeon alone. Clever beasties may trap certain areas with no other redeeming features…

  6. Really awesome this list of yours…

    Até mais ver
    mr.poneis

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