So You Want to Be a Rennie? – going to your first Renaissance Festival…

Attending a Renaissance festival can be a great time, but if you’ve never been to one before, it can be daunting at a glance. What are some of the things you can expect? What’s the best way to plan a day? What should you remember to bring? Well, here’s a quick reference guide to get you started.

The Prep

Most guides will remind you to bring bug spray, sunscreen, or a jacket, depending on the weather, but what might they not mention? Cash. While most shops and many of the vendors will accept credit or debit cards, in more cases than not the food and beverage vendors will only accept cash. If you’re planning on getting your sustenance on the grounds, it’s best to expect to have to pay quite a bit, usually $5 to $10 a meal. It’s best to aim high to give yourself a bit of a buffer zone.

In addition to paying for meals, if you stop to watch any of the shows for entertainment, they’ll without fail ask for tips at the end. They are by no means mandatory, but usually those shows are the performers’ sole source of income. So if you enjoyed it, why not throw a buck in their basket at the end?

Just as importantly, remember to wear comfortable shoes. You’re going to be doing a lot of walking. Often on uneven ground. Being in the middle of nowhere with sore feet is a very special kind of hell. Add a runny nose and itchy eyes to that just makes it worse, so if you suffer from allergies, you can expect a full frontal assault while on the grounds.

Lastly, be sure to take a bottle of water. It’s very important to stay hydrated, especially on really hot days. Most places will have water fountains strategically placed around for refilling, so you don’t have to drop the cash every time you need to drink something. If you’re worried about your water bottle clashing with your outfit, pick up a flask, waterskin, or horn to hold your drink and you can still be period-appropriate!

The Plan

There is a lot of shopping to be done at a Renaissance festival. It’s basically a Renaissance-themed shopping mall, amplified by about ten. But we’ll get to that later. If you’re the type to get your entertainment from a comfortably seated-position, you may prefer the shows. Everything from jousting to music to comedy to fire-juggling can be found on the various stages at most Renaissance festivals.

Before you leave for your tour of medieval merriment, it might be best to get online and look up your festival of choice. Usually on ye olde website you can find a schedule of all the shows and all their locations for the entire duration of the faire. Get together with your party and decide what might look interesting. Alternatively, you could just wander, and if something catches your eye, have a seat and watch.

Either method works, so do whatever fits your group the best. If you have a particularly large party though, you’re bound to get split up. Cellphone reception is usually spotty at best in those out-of-the-way locations. And even if you can get a call through, what are the chances your friends will hear their phones? Even if you don’t plan your day to the last half hour, it might be a good idea to pick a few key shows and times so you can regroup with all your wandering friends.

The Costumes

Who doesn’t love getting all decked out in wild outfits? And while it’s technically a “Renaissance” festival, there’s not really a dress code. They won’t throw you out just for being in an outfit that isn’t theme-appropriate. However, there are some other things to keep in mind when deciding what to wear. Most importantly is probably what the weather is going to be like. You don’t want to be fully weighed down in noble or even royalty’s clothing if it’s going to be more than a hundred degrees there. Likewise, you don’t want to be dressed in little more than fur underwear if it’s going to be cold and raining the whole time. Obviously it’s not possible to know exactly what the weather’s going to be like for your trip, but you can get a general idea. And maybe have a back-up outfit, costume or otherwise, in the event of inclement weather.

Those uncontrollable variables aren’t all to consider though. If you’re likely to be sitting down to catch a show for the majority of the time, large skirts are not easy to sit in. And something with a full helmet isn’t easy to eat in. Think carefully about what you’re willing to subject yourself to before you settle on an unwieldy get-up. Speaking of inconveniences for dressing…

Lodging and Transportation

If you’re lucky enough to live close to a festival, you have the added benefit of not needing to find closer lodgings. Unfortunately, driving to the grounds that morning generally results in a pretty serious traffic situation for about an hour before opening to a couple hours after. That goes for people staying in nearby hotels as well. Unless you’re close enough to walk, expect delays.

Because most festivals run for the entire weekend, some of them will have on-site campgrounds. There’s usually a per-vehicle fee and they require you to show your festival passes in order to camp, but there aren’t any other expenses involved. Unless you include the price of your tent, sleeping bags, bedding, any possible camping materials, snacks, and beverages. Be sure to check to rules to see if consuming alcohol or having a campfire is permitted.

At Last, The Faire!

So, what can you expect when you’re there? Of course, there will be people in costumes. As mentioned before, people don’t always stick to the Renaissance theme. You’ll see people dressed as Storm Troopers, undead abominations, anime and video game characters, plus anything and everything out of every fantasy setting you’ve seen. And not just the traditional versions of these things either. Many people will approach a Renaissance festival like a real life fan-fiction, so for every Space Marine you see, you’ll probably see a “sexy” counterpart. For being a furred creature, I’ve never seen Pikachu show as much skin as at a Renaissance festival. So be prepared. Be sure to do some research on your faire of choice before agreeing to take your kids there. While most are family-friendly, every now and then you’ll see a chainmail bikini with nothing underneath.

Food at the faire, while a bit on the pricy side, is usually amazingly delicious. Rather than the $10 hot dogs you’d find at any other theme park, a Renaissance festival will have courses you don’t usually get anywhere else… beef ribs, steak on a stick, Scotch eggs. So many fine choices it might be hard to decide! No Renaissance festival is complete, however, without a turkey leg. Roasted and richly-seasoned, turkey legs are about eight times larger than a chicken drumstick.

In most cases, beer and wine will be in abundance at the faire. Of course, you can also get soda, bottled water, lemonade, sometimes interesting slushy concoctions, alcoholic or not. If you do prefer something with a proof though, try the mead. Nothing you can get in stores is quite like the faire-specific RenFaire brew of honey wine. It’s sweet, light, and refreshing. Be careful on those hot days though. It can sneak up on you.

The Shops

Before you leave for the Renaissance festival, set a budget for yourself. There are going to be so many things there tempting you, but if you’re not careful, you could easily drain your savings buying some of the coolest stuff you’ll ever have, but rarely get to use. Shops can carry things ranging from $2 to $20,000, so don’t get too attached to anything until you know what you’re getting yourself into.

If you’re planning on getting a new outfit, you should probably plan to wear it as soon as you buy it. The shopping around is fun, but carrying large bags of stuff everywhere is very tiring. Many people don’t think about that until they’re handed a bag and wished a pleasant day. Before you buy something heavy or clumsy, ask if they’ll hold it for you at the shop so you can pick it up on your way out.

Now to the fun stuff. What do they sell? Let’s start with the clothes. Everything from peasant to royalty. Squire to knight. Elf to satyr. Even if you’re not in the market for new duds, many shops encourage a hands-on approach to window shopping. Trying things on is a great time for everyone involved, even if you’re not going to buy it. If you are going to buy it though, ask the shop owners where they recommend going to accessorize. No one knows their merchandise like they do, and they know what looks good with it.

Speaking of accessories, just the clothes are fun, but you can’t fully deck yourself out with *just* the clothes. A belt, hat, maybe even some jewelry. Use your imagination. When you browse the stalls, keep your mind open. You can really flesh out a costume with whatever you choose to wear with it. In fact, you can get away with loose fitting pants and a breezy shirt, and as long as you put the right stuff with it, you can be anything! Why be a townsperson when you can be a minstrel!

Going along with the accessory theme, you can arm yourself with a flashy new dagger, or a vicious scythe. Or pretty much anything else. If you are going to get a piece though, keep in mind the peace-tie rules most Renaissance festivals have. If your weapon can easily be drawn, it’s not going to be allowed. Something as simple as a leather strap tying it into its scabbard is generally acceptable. Occasionally, you can find unsharpened weaponry too, giving you the look of a battle-ready warrior, but not turning you into, well, a battle-ready warrior. When playing with swords, even all in fun, accidents can happen. Not being able to draw your weapon is the best way to prevent that.

Now that you’ve gotten yourself looking amazing, let’s do something for the home. How about a new wind-chime? Perhaps a table lamp made out of antlers? Oh I know! A bed frame made of driftwood! All kinds of things are available to make your living space comfortable *and* gorgeous. Why stop at just the house though? Wouldn’t Fluffy look adorable in a little dragon costume?!

This is a very limited list. I’m just trying to give you some idea of what to expect. Actual vendors vary by location, but many of the major players will try to have a presence at as many festivals as possible. Again, the website can tell you a lot more specifics than I can, so be sure to check that out.

The Shows

‘You keep mentioning shows and performances,’ I hear you cry. ‘Which ones should I be sure to check out?’ We’ll get to that in a minute. First, we need to talk about some etiquette, only some of which seems like common sense. In the regular world, it’s pretty much expected that if you go to a play or a concert, you shouldn’t talk during the performance. You shouldn’t talk to the actors or musicians. At a Renaissance festival, that’s not always true. A general rule of thumb is, if they’re talking to you and asking for participation, clearly they want you to answer. Don’t be afraid to join in. That’s one of the major joys of a festival. Be sure to look for cues though; I’m sure the harpists get tired of hearing “Play some Skynyrd!”

This shouldn’t need to be said, but I’m constantly baffled by some people. If your phone rings in the middle of the performance, you should silence it as fast as possible. To be perfectly honest, you should silence it before the performance even starts, but most people are understanding when someone forgets every now and then. Under NO circumstances should you answer it and start talking while still sitting in the audience. If it’s a call that you really need to take, stay quiet until you get out of the seating area and away from the show.

Okay, now, what should you see? By no means is this a complete list of all the best shows. I’m just giving my advice based on what I have seen personally.

• The Ded Bob Show – Because who doesn’t love dead-pan humor coming from a womanizing puppet? Potentially inappropriate for children.
• Adam Crack, Fire Whip Show – Adam Crack has won world records with his whipping skills.
• Cast in Bronze – The world’s only traveling carillon player. A cheesy performance, but hauntingly beautiful music
• Iris and Rose – Rowdy pub music by two shameless women. Definitely inappropriate for children.
• Sound and Fury – Fakespearean actors. Also not appropriate for children. Probably not appropriate for some adults too.
• Don Juan and Miguel – Spaniard duo who specialize in whips and comedy.
• Christophe the Insulter – Pay him money, point to your friend. He’ll give you your money’s worth.

Sadly, many of these performers won’t be available in your area, but if they are, you should definitely stop by.

Themed weekends

Many Renaissance festivals will have themed weeks throughout the season. By no means is it necessary to dress based on that theme, but it will give you an idea what to expect. If you want a more fantastical experience, check the listings to see if and when they have a fantasy-themed weekend. If you can’t get enough bagpipe, watch for a Scottish theme. Sometimes there will even be performances that you can only find on specific weekends, so be on the lookout for that too.

I hope you’re ready to go now! This is a very general overview, and no article on the internet can ever fully prepare you for what you’ll find at a Renaissance festival. And no article will ever take the place of actually visiting one yourself. I can’t tell you every shop and every show you need to check out. You’ll just have to find that out on your own. So off you go! Prepare thyself for merriment!