By: Kelbek Avarice
Rule #1: The Game Master Is God.
What the Game Master says, goes! Period.
Rule #2: Never Split The Party!
The monsters have divine intuition, and know when the party is weakened.
Rule #3: The Dice Choose You.
They have a mind of their own…
Rule #4: The Bartender Knows Everything.
He is the prophet of the world, and has the knowledge of the universe.
Rule #5: Copper Is The Enemy.
One hundred copper equals one gold. You do the math.
Rule #6: Go With The Flow.
Unless the flow leads to a giant waterfall.
Rule #7: You Can Never Have Too Many Minions.
One hundred enemies? All I see is free experience!
Rule #8: Take Chances.
Just not reckless ones.
Rule #9: Don’t Act Reckless.
But take chances.
Rule #10: If the GM Forgets Something, Let Him/her Know.
You might get extra experience!
Rule #11: Don’t Expect The Unexpected, Become The Unexpected.
Make the GM improvise for your amusement.
Rule #12: Escape From Reality.
And enter a better one.
Rule #13: Train In Heal.
It’ll save your life.
Rule #14: There Are No Such Things As Friends, Only Allies.
It makes it easier to kill them.
Rule #15: Be Creative!
It’s half the game.
Rule #16: Don’t Trust The Sexy Lady Sitting At The Bar Alone.
There’s an extremely high chance that she’ll end up killing you.
Rule #17: The d20 Can Either Be Your Best Friend, Or Your Worst Enemy.
So treat them with kindness.
Rule #18: Leave Your Personal Problems Out Of The Game.
Nobody cares that you had a fight with your girlfriend. Be happy you have one.
Rule #19: Stay In Character.
It’s a lot easier and more fun for everyone.
Rule #20: Don’t Blindly Jump Into Dark Pits.
Especially without rope.
Rule #21: If The Reward Is Outrageously High, You Won’t Be Getting It.
Because you’re really going to get 2,000 gold for investigating a “rat infestation”.
Rule #22: Try Out Various Characters.
Just not bullywugs.
Rule #23: If You Aren’t Sure About Something, Ask The GM.
After all, the GM is God.
Rule #24: Try Your Best Not To Burn Down A Town.
Especially one full of little hobbits.
Rule #25: You Can’t Carry A Great Axe, Two Long Swords, And A Flail On Your Back.
They only thing you’ll accomplish is a broken back.
Rule #26: When Entering A Town, Go Immediately To The Alchemist Shop.
If you’re lucky enough to find one.
Rule #27: Everything Happens At The bar.
Rumor is that it has to do with the bartender.
Rule #28: You Can Never Have Too Much Gold.
But platinum is better.
Rule #29: Save Your Dailies.
Better safe then sorry.
Rule #30: The Final Boss Isn’t Always The Final Boss.
So save your dailies.
Rule #31: You Never Need To Go To The Bathroom.
Convenient, isn’t it?
Rule #32: If You Don’t Know What A Beholder Is, You’re Lucky.
And if you do know, then I sincerely apologize.
Rule #33: Check For Traps.
They can be in doors, chests, walls, almost anywhere.
Rule #34: Bring A Random Item.
You never know when you’ll need to kick out the ol’ dowsing rod.
Rule #35: Don’t Bang Pots And Pans Together To Attract Enemies.
Unless you’re into that sort of thing.
Rule #36: Don’t Trust Random NPC’s.
You shouldn’t even consider them allies.
Rule #37: You Can Never Have Too Many Magic Items.
Is there something wrong with having boots of speed, gauntlets of strength, a ring of teleportation, and a necklace of invisibility? I didn’t think so.
Rule #38: Contrary To The Name, You Aren’t Always In Dungeons, And You Don’t Always Fight Dragons.
Mind blowing, isn’t it?
Rule #39: Stay Away From Graveyards.
You’ll thank me later… if you still have a brain.
Rule #40: Learn To Improvise!
If needed, take classes.
Rule #41: You Always Wear The Same Clothes.
And never shower…
Rule #42: Play Smart.
Just don’t be smarter than the GM.
Rule #43: Stay Away From Giant Talking Skulls.
They cause nothing but trouble!
Rule #44: Always Carry A Thievery Kit.
You’d be surprised at how many things are locked nowadays.
Rule #45: Explore Every Corner Of The Dungeon.
You just might find something worthwhile.
Rule #46: Don’t Underestimate Fire.
So be sure to carry plenty of H2O.
Rule #47: Know Your Character Types.
I.e.: Controller, Striker, Leader, Defender.
Rule #48: Don’t Have Your Character Wear Big Hoop Earrings.
This isn’t a beauty contest.
Rule #49: There’s No Difference Between Diplomacy And Intimidation As Long As It Gets The Job Done.
But an axe to the head leaves a better impression.
Rule #50: Make Your Mark In History!
Let the world know your name!
Kelbeck Avarice
What I like is that at times I found myself laughing cause sometimes it’s funny, nodding my head cause sometimes it’s correct, and remembering that everyone gets different things out of the game.
There’s a lot of truth and humor here … 😀
Thanks for sharing!
Addendums and Caveats
Rule #1: The Game Master is God.
Unless your GM is an idiot, and isn’t making sense. If their rationale is logical and they are delivering a good story/game that is fine, however if they aren’t then all the players should collectively tell the GM that they suck and someone else should be running the game.
Rule #2: Never Split the Party!
Unless your GM can handle the concerns of running multiple stories and juggling multiple players at the same time. Of course, if the GM takes the opportunity to kill off characters in some passive aggressive manner, see Caveat #1.
Rule #3: The Dice Choose You.
No argument there.
Rule #4: The Bartender Knows Everything.
Bartenders, Brothel-house Madames, General Store/Trading Post Merchants… anyone who supplies a service to the players beyond being a font of information, such as source of supplies and have no agenda other than neutral source for the players to tap will their continued existence be assured. Otherwise their life is forfeit.
Rule #5: Copper Is The Enemy.
Until your dwarves/gnomes/wizards/whatever discover out how to utilize electricity and figure out that copper is the most cost-effective way to conduct said power.
Rule #6: Go With The Flow.
Or the GM proves himself to be an idiot, see Caveat #1. Another player proves themselves to be disruptive (being an idiotic player is acceptable, as long as they aren’t being disruptive).
Rule #7: You Can Never Have Too Many Minions.
Until the GM figures out that you can successfully juggle 10-20 minions at a time, and rules to take them out of the game and comes up with the excuse that it’s slowing down the game (the GM doesn’t want to handle dealing with 60-120 enemy NPC minions as well).
Rule #8: Take Chances.
Or you can sit back, act dumb and wait for the GM to spoon-feed you more clues until they just get frustrated and dumb-down the encounter to a suitable level.
Rule #9: Don’t Act Reckless.
Unless you’re playing that character is reckless. Typically, that’s the guy who plays the rogue (ie Thief) regardless of what game/genre you’re playing in. Or the guy who in real life is a rogue, and he’s just playing the reckless mage for a change of pace.
Rule #10: If the GM Forgets Something, Let Him/her Know.
Unless whatever you’re reminding him can be used against your character/party. Of course this goes against the unwritten rule of RPGs, “Don’t Give the GM ANY Ideas.” — Especially if your GM is vindictive, petty, and will twist everything against you and your fellow players.
Rule #11: Don’t Expect The Unexpected, Become The Unexpected.
Unless your GM is incapable of improvisation (that’s why they’re running the game and not playing in it). Or you’re trying to get on the good side of NPCs in authority, trying to maintain the status-quo, et cetera.
Rule #12: Escape From Reality.
Unless that reality is one that you have no interest in. No one wants to deal with the psychological ramifications of being sexually molested by hobgoblins and bugbears.
Rule #13: Train In Heal.
Healing is underrated. Usually you can bully most submissive player, or the newest player into playing the cleric or the equivalent thereof. Unless your GM is a pushover and will just NPC the healer, or your characters can just pop-off to the nearest Heal-Spells-R-Us.
Rule #14: There Are No Such Things As Friends, Only Allies.
Unless it’s been specifically spelt out by the GM and the players that there will be NO PC-vs-PC conflict, or any sort in-game betrayals. However if allowed, the betrayer must commit to 2-or-3 game sessions after the betrayal so that they can get their just desserts, see Caveat #12.
Rule #15: Be Creative!
Unless it’s in your best interests not to be. — ‘No, really. I cannot think of any way in which to improve upon the capabilities of your spies your Majesty.’
Rule #16: Don’t Trust The Sexy Lady Sitting At The Bar Alone.
Unless you’re the player who sits around waiting for something to happen in the game. Typically this involves ignoring the roleplaying, the combat, the character interactions, and only getting involved when something important or interesting occurs, such as when you’ve collected the treasure and it’s now time to spend it all in the brothels and taverns.
Rule #17: The d20 Can Either Be Your Best Friend, Or Your Worst Enemy.
Unless you’re playing a game when you sometimes have to roll high, and sometimes have to roll low with that d20. But frankly, you have no control over it, see Caveat #3.
Rule #18: Leave Your Personal Problems Out Of The Game.
Unless you’re playing with friends and you need to vent. You just have to tell someone about you’re problems and they are here to listen and understand and be there for you. Of course, working out the problem in-game in a similar situation only helps to allow your sub-conscious to mull over the problem and give you more perspective on the matter.
Rule #19: Stay In Character.
Until you come into a situation where you’re no longer being in-character, you cannot relate to the situation, or you need some sort of out-of-character clarification as to what’s going on. Or you need to call ‘bartender’ because someone else is at the fridge.
Rule #20: Don’t Blindly Jump Into Dark Pits.
Unless you’re playing that reckless character, you have a ring of Featherfall, and you have an adequate light source.
Rule #21: If The Reward Is Outrageously High, You Won’t Be Getting It.
Unless your GM is the kinda guy who’s going to Monty Hall your characters into being Medieval Millionaires, or you just don’t have the wealth/power to be able to handle the sorts of plots that the GM really wants to throw at you.
Rule #22: Try Out Various Characters.
Unless you’re that guy who has to play the rogue regardless of the game/genre that you’re playing. Because everyone, especially you, know you haven’t perfected the subtle nuisances of that character yet.
Rule #23: If You Aren’t Sure About Something, Ask The GM.
Unless asking the GM is going to give them an idea to use against you later. See Caveat #10.
Rule #24: Try Your Best Not To Burn Down A Town.
Unless you don’t own the town, you’re not in charge of it, not if you’re suppose to protect it, or it’s full of monsters you hate, such as full of little hobbits.
Rule #25: You Can’t Carry A Great Axe, Two Long Swords, And A Flail On Your Back.
Unless your GM is the type to use Critical Fumbles that break weapons, throw skeletons and other monsters that can only be hurt by blunt/special weapons like a flail, or you happen to play something historically accurate like a knight who would have a plethora of weapons.
Rule #26: When Entering A Town, Go Immediately To The Alchemist Shop.
Unless your GM is the type to try and push roleplaying situations on you while you’re trying to shop, sell you mislabeled poisons instead of healing potions, or generally facilitate the wasting of your hard-earned treasure.
Rule #27: Everything Happens At The Bar.
Right up until the bartender doesn’t know anything. See Caveat #4.
Rule #28: You Can Never Have Too Much Gold.
Until your GM sees you hording and then decides to steal it all, destroy it all, or tax you.
Rule #29: Save Your Dailies.
Unless your GM is the type that isn’t going to throw an extra encounter at you just because you’ve blown all your abilities and dailies, and they hold grudges because you took out his big bad solo-monster in three rounds.
Rule #30: The Final Boss Isn’t Always The Final Boss.
Unless they really were the final boss and you blew all your dailies in taking them out in three rounds, and now the GM holds a grudge, see Caveat #29.
Rule #31: You Never Need To Go To The Bathroom.
Unless there is something nasty or the plot waiting for you in the outhouse.
Rule #32: If You Don’t Know What A Beholder Is, You’re Lucky.
Unless you’ve never had to deal with a Beholder in all the decades of playing the game, and you’re feeling left out.
Rule #33: Check For Traps.
Unless you’re going to play the reverse psychology game where you don’t check for traps because the GM never uses them until you get into the rule with all the treasure. That’s when you start checking.
Rule #34: Bring A Random Item.
Unless you’ve got a bag of holding. Then you bring everything. Chalk, charcoal, ink, string, stakes, pitons, tools, block & tackle, pullies, rope, knotted rope, grappling hook, torches, lanterns, a bag of flour, a bag of fist-sized rocks, a bag of stones, a bag of pebbles, a bag of sand, and a 10-foot pole.
Rule #35: Don’t Bang Pots And Pans Together To Attract Enemies.
Unless you’re trying to attract the enemies and lure them into a trap.
Rule #36: Don’t Trust Random NPC’s.
Unless you’ve done the standard of sensing their alignment, mind-reading them, and just to be on the safe side, dominating them.
Rule #37: You Can Never Have Too Many Magic Items.
Unless your GM is the type to take away your toys because you’re blowing through the encounters too quickly and easily.
Rule #38: Contrary To The Name, You Aren’t Always In Dungeons, And You Don’t Always Fight Dragons.
Right up to the climax of the game, where it turns out the big-bad is in fact a dragon at the bottom of a 20-level dungeon.
Rule #39: Stay Away From Graveyards.
Unless that’s where the plot, treasure, or monster is.
Rule #40: Learn To Improvise!
Agreed. Take your GM along to those classes as well.
Rule #41: You Always Wear The Same Clothes.
Well, that just keeps the game realistic, because neither did the people in the dark ages.
Rule #42: Play Smart.
Unless your GM is the type who will appreciate it when you out-wit him. If your GM is any good at running the game, they will appreciate and reveal in these rare moments.
Rule #43: Stay Away From Giant Talking Skulls.
Unless they are going to be the ones who are going to give you that clue to continue on with the plot. But then, why would you put in a giant talking skull if they weren’t going to drive the plot forward?
Rule #44: Always Carry A Thievery Kit.
Unless you’re the cleric, or anyone else who’s going to be harassed and imprisoned on the suspicion of being a thief.
Rule #45: Explore Every Corner Of The Dungeon.
Unless you’re in the middle of a time crunch, and you’ve just found the McGuffin, and you have to take it back to wherever to stop whatever from doing that nasty thing you don’t want them to do.
Rule #46: Don’t Underestimate Fire.
Well, if you didn’t already realize this in the real world, then you didn’t play with matches enough when you were a child.
Rule #47: Know Your Character Types.
Unless you’re playing other roleplaying games, other versions of the games, or you’re just playing with people who don’t like how the game has been intellectually dissected by MMoRPG players who’ve come up with the terms like Controller, Striker, Leader, Defender, Tank, Kiting, Soloing, and whatever else.
Rule #48: Don’t Have Your Character Wear Big Hoop Earrings.
Unless you’re playing a pirate.
Rule #49: There’s No Difference Between Diplomacy And Intimidation As Long As It Gets The Job Done.
Unless you want something from the NPC later, in which case now that they have their friends with them, intimidation isn’t going to work, unless we’re talking about intimidation going the reverse way now.
Rule #50: Make Your Mark In History!
Unless you know that making a name means putting a target on your back, and you’d prefer to run the world by pulling the strings behind the curtain.
You’re kinda a douche-bag for raining down on this post like you did.
Not quite… I would say down to Earth, but still interesting…
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mr.poneis
wow.. you’re kinda a douche bag from the look of it.. and you didn’t really do anything constructive for this so I’m gonna guess a troll.. so here i am to feed the trollsssss = o
Bullywug characters rule! They are solo killers. . .
Rule #45A: Know when to say when
Sometimes its better to leave parts of the dungeon alone. Clever beasties may trap certain areas with no other redeeming features…
Really awesome this list of yours…
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mr.poneis
TooRound’s Opinion of the Unwritten Rules and the Addendums and Caveats.
Rule #1: 100% Agreement. I do however, try to be a little more modest than this document may infer. Let me know if I’m an idiot (very possible) or you aren’t enjoying the game and/or why. I will try harder.
Rule #2: Hmm… sometimes, it is even beneficial to split the party; say in a settlement (from village to metropolis). You can get more done in less time if appropriate characters are sent off to accomplish goals. In dungeons or dangerous locales, split up at your own risk! Learn the lesson of every horror movie ever!
Rule #3: No argument there. Some poor folk never meet their dice. Their unfortunate characters die over and over. Sorry Bellyroll.
Rule #4: You know that both are absolutely true. Watch your alignment.
Rule #5: I mean… you can try anything, but some things just aren’t going to happen in your lifetime. See Atorm Stats (APP11). Yes 100cp = 2lbs. and that horde of 5000cp weighs 100lbs. and equals 50gp.
Rule #6: If your character has Tourettes, roleplay it sparingly and tastefully and you’ll get xp. Overplay it and you don’t.
Rule #7: During the course of Epic III, the opportunities for wealth and property are enormous. I don’t care how many minions you have, in fact completing the goals of this adventure may be aided by building a huge organization of NPC contacts, followers, friends, and hirelings. Most will not be willing to journey with your characters into danger. Some few, if treated well, will follow you into the bowels of the Nine Hells.
Rule #8: Take chances. You may get XP, but you may also get killed. Resurrections are not uncommon among the wealthy and/or powerful. Many gods grant these type of spells to their priests. From 1st level, start a Group Resurrection Fund where all PCs, PC owned organizations, and adventuring NPCs donate into the fund with the assurance that their comrades will use it to buy spells and bring them back from death. Remember the rule that any creature may only return from death a number of times equal to their natural or starting constitution ability score.
Rule #9: In the dungeon, the rogue has the most dangerous job… finding and removing traps. There is a long tradition of building intricate and deadly traps in underground or in fortified structures across the western world. You can add recklessness to a rogue but he/she will die over and over.
Rule #10: If I forget something, let me know. You may get Bonus XP. I will try to only be petty, vindictive, and twist everything against you and your fellow characters when you are using special Wishes or praying to the gods for a bailout from desperate situations.
Rule #11: Become the unexpected, you may get Bonus XP. I don’t want to tell you this story. I want you to help me tell us, this story.
Rule #12: I hope you can feel at home in Atorm. That way you might know and care how much danger it faces. Ask me questions; I can talk about the world, its people, and history all day and all night long. You may also learn from the mistakes of previous characters and players.
Rule #13: Look, I get it. When I am a player, I don’t want to be the walking hospital either. Some folk are into that. I am not. But you probably need a walking hospital for this adventure, it is very dangerous, so if no player wants to play the walking hospital (Nurse of Ariol) I will supply a Nurse that we will play as a group. She will be an equal in the party having her own butt tattoo, sharing danger, glory, treasure, and XP.
Rule #14: If players want to declare a NO PC-vs-PC conflict or in-game betrayals, that is fine with me.
If PCs need to fight it out, that is also fine, as long as it doesn’t end the campaign (at which point, why are you even playing a social game?)
Rule #15: Yes on both.
Rule #16: Okay, the lady at the bar may have many more possibilities than murder. She may be important and interesting. She might even be a follower of Audius, Basarli, or Locia, and will bone you into unconsciousness in her room.
Rule #17: Yeah, Caveat #3.
Rule #18: Hey, life happens. I can understand when someone needs an ear. As long as it doesn’t completely take over the game, I am cool with it.
Rule #19: Yes on both. If needed we can define a signal that everyone may recognize to signal “out of character,” language.
Rule #20: I mean, why would anybody jump into a dark pit? Even if you have Featherfall, and light. I suppose such an event may be preferable to oncoming certain death or the plot is known and at the bottom. But unless you can Fly, why you would you jump?
Rule #21: I don’t know. It depends upon whom exactly is offering the reward. I’ve been labeled both Monty Hall and as too stingy with items vs. the dangers presented. But I mean there is a lot of magic out there, and it is a dangerous campaign; again see the Atorm Stats table (APP11).
Rule #22: I don’t care if you always want to play a rogue. That is up to you, not me, not other players. Pick a class that makes you happy or fulfilled. This is a long campaign. Why would you want to play a character that you don’t enjoy? If players do not pick a diverse enough group of classes/races/etc. I will add an NPC to the party, myself. Also, why would anyone ever want to play a bullywug?
Rule #23: I try as hard as I can to be fair with knowledge. Asking questions will help you feel at home in Atorm. Just ask at appropriate times. Asking about the size of Malifig in square miles, during a fight with bullywugs in a swamp or underground, is probably an inappropriate time.
Rule #24: If you go around burning villages, there will soon be a bounty on your head and authorities will be hunting you down. Unlike many campaign worlds, you are not the 1% of 1% (at least until the highest levels (17+), and many powerful people and creatures live here.
Rule #25: Yes, we use critical fumbles, but carrying all that on your back should only be done on your way home from the treasure hoard. Treasure a bag of holding or portable hole!
Rule #26: Yes on both. But most shopkeeps are there for one reason, making money, just like the blacksmith or basket weaver. In an economic system like the one on the continent of Hanlocke, the only way to advertise your business is through word of mouth. So most successful business-folk will sell you what you ask for, not poison (though many will sell you poison if you ask, and if they have it in stock).
Rule #27: Yes on both. But in big settlements, which bar is the right bar(s)?
Rule #28: I recommend hoarding. Resurrections are expensive.
Rule #29: I will ask you to leave the game before I hold a grudge. If I’m holding a grudge, I will tell you and/or ask you to leave the game. I am not typically the grudge holding type.
Rule #30: “When the DM smiles its already too late.”
Rule #31: Yes. You never need to take a bath either…disgusting. If your party has a bar of soap, I will assume that you bathe regularly (in regions with available water). No bar of soap in the party means that all the blood, guts, mud, and garbage from battles and dungeons stays with you everywhere you go and you stink to high heavens. Ultimately, this can affect your interactions with NPCs and monsters.
Rule #32: Yay beholders!
Rule #33: Always check for traps. Always check for traps. Always check for traps.
Rule #34: I don’t know about a dousing rod but yes, bring items and treasure a bag of holding.
Rule #35: Okay. I guess.
Rule #36: Most people will be greatly offended by attempts to read their alignments, etc. Some will treat it as an attack.
Rule #37: The DM won’t steal your gear and treasure. Followers of Naxis will. Instead, I will just make the encounters more difficult. Don’t toss your bag of holding into your portable hole. (Don’t laugh. It always happens eventually. Try to break that long depressing streak of treasures and characters lost to the void).
Rule #38: Pray that you rarely encounter dragons.
Rule #39: I love Ravenloft. Atorm has always had a strong connection to the Demiplane of Dread. Characters from Epics I and II can attest. Players have often run Ravenloft adventurers during Free Module Breaks.
Rule #40: If you are shy, take your time to feel comfortable. I get it, and it’s okay. But… we rarely use dice to determine social skill outcomes. So just do your best to play the character written on your sheet.
Rule #41: Sometimes you may want to change clothes. Say…before you have dinner with important people, a ball, or a Basarlite orgy. Also, see Caveat #31.
Rule #42: Play your character’s intelligence and wisdom. If you are smarter than I am. Great, even better. I love the challenge of playing with people smarter than myself. I am only smart enough to know how smart I am not. I also have some doubts about generalized intelligence.
Rule #43: But if you can befriend a small talking skull, definitely befriend a small talking skull. Planescape: Torment is an old, but really great video game.
Rule #44: Firm yes on both.
Rule #45: Firm yes on both.
Rule #46: Yes on both, but water is heavy as hell. A cubic meter of water weighs 2,204.62lbs! A cubic yard of water weighs 1,685.55lbs!
Rule #47: In Atorm, attempting to take on dangerous or numerous enemies as though you are playing an MMoRPG, will definitely get everyone in the party killed in short order. Use missile weapons to attack at a distance (that’s what they are for). Protect the spell casters. Don’t split the party, unless you are retreating or to avoid oncoming area attacks, like a dragon’s breath weapon. Your party is your lifeline.
Rule #48: “Everything is better with pirates!” – Lodge The Gamers: Dorkness Rising
Rule #49: Yep, I guess. Using your axe as diplomacy can effect both your reputation, and alignment, however.
Rule #50: Yes! Make your mark! Mentions in the Hanlocki Timeline for good or ill, should be considered a victory. Altarus Altarun (Emperor of the Holder Empire), Brightstar the Insane (Altarus’ sister, and major antagonist of Epic II), Cornelious Enelambar (Legendary King of Malifig), Liriel (Mistress of the Gray Tower of Magic long ago), Buttfore (Legendary rogue, Fumblina, and possible friend of the Dread Lich, Myrkurn), and others of historical import started as 1st level player characters in Epics I and II.