Why I Play
In the earliest of the 1980s, as I approached the yawning abyss of adolescence, I discovered Basic Dungeons & Dragons, and it rang a note in me that I’d always been listening for. Here then was a game that would allow me to step outside myself, to be something great and heroic, to be someone valuable and significant, to be a person that was not me. My entire life, I’ve been nearly paralyzed with introversion, wrapped around the tiniest chip of self-loathing. Once I took a personality test that put me so far into the introvert’s block, they had to staple an extra paper onto the report.
If I may speak for my group, you should know that we introverts wouldn’t mind being the friendly, chatty, genial life-of-the-partiers, but we just can’t. We lack that gene. And I had the added benefit of suspecting that maybe, just maybe, all those people didn’t really want to talk to me anyway. Finally, I had a found a forum where I could be better, different, clever, funny, charismatic, witty, and important.
While D&D had rung that much desired note, it didn’t give me exactly what I needed, but it sure came closer than anything else I’d ever experienced. These were hints, ghosts, echoes, but they were soothing and lovely on my psyche, and I poured my whole self into the game. I played through all the various incarnations, but stopped right around the 3rd edition – and no, this wasn’t because of any silly “this isn’t my game” disdain. Rather, I had become awfully busy having a family and pretending to have a career, and that sword and magic lobe in my brain withered and atrophied. My books and modules, my characters and dice, all those pencils and gum erasers, they all went away, but that craving never did. It went deep, but it never disappeared.
When I first got my dirty little fingers all over the 4th Edition of Dungeons & Dragons, not just reading the books, but actually playing the game, I immediately realized it was the system I’d been waiting for my whole dice-rolling life. This wasn’t because of the manifold powers, though I did like them quite a lot. It wasn’t because of the conscious move away from the 5-minute adventure day, though that was pretty tasty excellent too. And it wasn’t because of the durability of the characters, meaning they might just survive into the second encounter.
No, what leaped out of the system and directly into my heart is the aspect that may least appeal to other gamers. The Monopoly tycoons, the Risk tyrants, the Chess masters, these are all players who revel in rivalry, who thrive on challenges, who define their leisure in wins and losses. As kids, they raced around dark backyards in lethal matches of Manhunter. As teenagers, they picked up CO2 pistols and raced around heavy woods, risking eye damage and severe pricker lacerations. As adults, they… I don’t know, compared stock portfolios, Mercedes features, and colleges their kids attended.
Competition. That’s what lights their bulbs and spins their wheels, that’s what sweetens their treats and makes their lives worth living. And it’s the one thing that has never appealed to me. Back some ten or more years ago, when I finally figured out the arcane connectivities of the original Quake game, my friends and family were all in on the Deathmatch, and there was my sad and weak little voice, mewling, “Don’t you want to play cooperative?”
Forever, I’ve been looking for the game that not only allowed me to be someone better than I am, but also afforded me the opportunity to develop relationships that were formed and forged in fire and blood. I’ve never wanted the center stage, because it’s way too lonely out there under all those lights. I want to be part of a unit, a unit where the individuals rely and depend on each other completely, where success requires everyone giving everything they have. My favorite memories from any of the games I’ve ever played were the back-to-back scenes, the we’re-in-this-together scenes, the lean-on-me-and-we’ll-get-out-of-here scenes.
When I started playing 4th edition, that’s all I saw on every page, a game built for the whole party and not the lone player. I have finally found the game that I wanted when I first opened that blue book in my basement, a game where many hands come together to create a solid unbreakable bond, and I have my value in belonging.
Dixon Trimline
Dixon Trimline is a halfling that occasionally (and reluctantly) plays a 40-something human who likes to write, dream, and travel around inside the cobwebby darkness of his own mind. This human grew up with role playing games, but his first love and his first choice was always Dungeons & Dragons. Profile Page / Article Portfolio
This is just about the best description of 4th Edition I’ve ever read.
Next time someone tries to draw me into a system war, I’m sending them here. Well said, good sir! 🙂
Well said, indeed.
Excellent post there man. It’s interesting how this hobby brings people together. I probably come from the other half – i’m loud, probably sometimes obnoxious (at least that is what my wife tells me) and a definite extrovert, but what’s great about 4e and RPG’s in general is that there is a place for the guy that craves attention at the table – The DM. I think that is what has kept me DM’ing all these years. I love interacting with my players, calling them out in the game, and telling a story and having everyon listen intently to what is going on. Then, I love to force them to tell their stories as well. I agree with you about the unit flavor of 4e as well. I have seen all of my groups develop these bonds, even the little one shots that I run sometimes. It works really well like that.
Ok, I stand corrected. THIS is one of the most well-written, honest articles I’ve read in a while.
I really like 4E for exactly the reasons you say, and more importantly my group adores it for those reasons. My group is kind of split down the middle with half the group being rules nuts, and the other half being very casual players; 4E allows everyone to be the hero.
Yep, this is me too. In my late teens I also scored off the charts for introversion. It took years of pain and hardship to work myself out of my introverted shell, and role-playing is one of the things that helped. That’s why I don’t like missing my weekly role-playing fix, and 4e is currently my favorite drug.
Wonderfully written and well said. A perspective I had not considered. I too felt the 4th Edition was the game I had always been looking for, I just did not know that party roles was one of the main improvments which drew my praise. Thanks for the enlightenment.
Thanks to everyone for the comments. As a kind of group reply, I’d say that it was never my intention to impugn other editions (or even other games), but to celebrate the one I’ve found that fits me so perfectly. There’s cooperation / working together / groupiness in lots of different games, but 4th Edition is the one that spoke to me the clearest.
@Jonathan: Thank you. It’s clear that the writers and commenters here at Stuffer Shack would make for an excellent gaming group, if only we lived closer to one another.
@Charisma: Thanks. All I try to do is speak the truth, with uneven success.
@Shinobicow: While it’s possible for us introverts to run games, it’s probably a better fit for the extroverts to take that stage by storm. I recently played in a Call of Cthulhu game run by an accomplished actor, who brought all the voices, the commitment, the drama, and the ownership of the moment, and it was amazing to watch and even more so to experience.
@Tony10: Aw shucks, I’m a blushing halfling.
@The Red DM: It’s excellent (and impressive) that you can manage the balance between the two play styles. I have not had that much luck, as the rules nuts can get deep under my skin. Recently I talked with a gamer friend of mine and we both agreed that we really want our players and our kids to acknowledge our warm and friendly dictatorship.
@Erik: I can hear in your comment, you really do get what I’m saying. And you’re absolutely right, RPGs have helped me so much to shift out of my comfort zone (my room with door closed) and interact with total strangers… successfully!
@Brad: Thank you. While I admit it’s a total vanity piece, I’m the only one with whom I have any kind of confidence examining and discussing. I don’t know what drives you, your strengths, your weaknesses, your likes and dislikes. But I’ve got many years (too many maybe) examining my own construction and figuring this stuff out.